Is it still ok to cry?

[Dayana]

I was setting here going through some photos on my computer when I ran across one I hide a year ago. I saw the photo and busted out crying. I normally am not one to cry unless you make me beyond mad to the point I feel like hitting something. But where was that when I ran across Samson's photo? No where. 2 Years ago I shut myself down to my own life, I was scared to simply live, Every shadow in my own home was someone ready to hurt me. My husband got tired of the act and went out and come home with this little Black ChowChow,Samson. We become super attached to him and slowly I started feeling like my old self again. We decide to make a move back to my home town and take over the family house since my mother could no longer tend to it and was sent to a retirment resort. Shortly after living here My Samson had a heat storke and died. I denied it, I thought my husband was lying, He never liked him so of course he would say that just to be mean! But my husband wasnt known to lie to me, It took 20minutes before I believed him but I was to scared to look. I shut down on the back patio and I couldnt bring myself to see my babyboy died. While my husband dug the hole I ran to the bathroom and balled my eyes out in a hot shower blaming everyone and god for my lose. How COULD they take my best friend from me? HOW COULD my Husband leave him outside! I cursed,Hit and screamed all night long all the while my husband held me. I cried, Hell I still am crying. My best friend gone at less then a year old, The pain was to much. I hide everything that belong to him that night, Under my side of the bed. Its been a year now and my husband and children know not to say his name. For when they do I crack and the wall of depression covers me. I did the same thing when my twin brother died in 2001. I do my best to forget it and go on and pertend they never where next to me, That we never meet. Because once their name is said my world cracks. I should have invested money in super glu with all the pasting I have done in my life. Im sorry to be venting, I really am. It just broke my heart to see that face all over again and I feel so alone at this moment in my heart I know I am never alone. Everyone I know says I am crazy to fall to piece's over Samson's Death and to still push it away and yet hold onto it. Yet I know no other way to deal with it.


http://i35.photobucket.com/albums/d175/texasmomma2005/puppy-1.jpg

[Dayana]

It doesnt help that Samson Died on my Birthday last year. And with my birthday coming up on the 9th im all in knots. Im watching my dogs playing asking god which one will be take from me this time?

[Dayana]

http://i35.photobucket.com/albums/d175/texasmomma2005/puppy5.jpg
http://i35.photobucket.com/albums/d175/texasmomma2005/puppy4.jpg
http://i35.photobucket.com/albums/d175/texasmomma2005/MVC-048F.jpg

[2Chiwawa]

Well, just cry all you want to. I would be crying over that beautiful puppy too. But you also have to be kind to yourself and not hurt yourself more with all those tears. Sometimes we all are just an inch away from crying all the time if we get to thinking too much.

We are all here for you because we understand how hard it is to lose a dog. :flower:

[Dayana]

Thank you. It seems If I give in and cry for atleast 10mins I can talk about him for awhile afterwards without being depressed, Almost happy. Sounds crazy I know, my husband sits there patting with this crazed look in his eye that says " is it safe yet?!"

[2Chiwawa]

Whenever you can we will be glad to hear more about Samson. :flower:

[Dayana]

Its funny. I just remember how much Samson hated my husband. When my husband would upset me Samson would go into our bedroom and pee on his pillow.lol He would also then hide my husbands shoes . I swear he had such a great understanding of just what he was doing. He would always be two steps ahead of my husband when he got caught doing something he shouldnt. This one time my husband scolded samson for eating his steak right off his plate.Funny lil turd knew it was gregs and went out of his way to eat it because mine was sitting right there next to his.lol

[Kips_Momma]

sure it's ok!! in fact you don't even need a good reason to cry, BUT you have a very valid reason. either way it's ok to cry. we're here if you need to vent

[Dayana]

Thanks Kippy. I think the reason I never really let go was that I refused to see him at the end. When my husband told me the details of everything he did afterwards I was sick. I never go into my backyard either because thats where he died and now rest. I still wont look out the kitchen window because that points straight to the spot.

[islandbabies]

It's never easy to lose such a close friend, especially one who helped pull you through a dark period in your life. It's not wonder you still cry about the loss of Samson. But I truly believe all our furbabies will be waiting for us at the Rainbow Bridge. In time, you'll be able to talk about your beautiful baby with less and less tears.

[zealot]

it isnt easy losing a pet, especially one that brought you through a hard time in your life.
so you cry, and cry your heart out. It sounds silly but i still cry when i see photos of my little Bennie a scotty mix and he died almost 6/7 years ago of a heart murmer from getting kennel cough 4 times in 2 years. Poor baby RIP!

So you cry, we all mourn differently and we all need to grieve.

I know many people will tell you that just because your doggie died on your birthday means it wonthappen again, but i live with the same fear every time there is a holiday like Xmas or easter, I tend to only lose family at those times of the year. SO i understand your fear.

You will be in my thoughts. ((hugz))

[SnugglesandIzziemama]

Cry your heat out it is ok our babies are part of our world. I know when my roscoe died and I think he was poisoning I was so mad I threw everything all over the place how could someone do that to an innocent dog. Every time i go outside I am so cautious with my bABIES IF iZZIE PUT A STICK IN HER MOUTH EVEN i YELL DROP T AND SHE DOES i GUESS i AM JUST PARranoid with that. And because it happen on our birthday I can understand your worrying that something will happen on another bday, I was on a cruise when my dad died and I was afraid to take another cruise because I thought it would happen again. I know for me when I look atmy old pictures of Roscoe I just want to feel him inmy arms crying is good it is best not to hold your emotional in. Hugs to you Patty

[ShoeQueen]

It's perfectly ok to still cry and mourn for your baby. I'm still mourning my cat Phoebe, who passed away 2 months ago. And yes, I'm paranoid about certain things too. She was taken to the vets where she was diagnosed with cancer. A month later Chewy went to the vets to be neutered and I was nervous all day, thinking that the last time one of my babies went to the vets something bad happened. I still get teary eyed thinking about her....she and I were together for 10 years and in those 10 years I faced alot of difficult situations, but she was always there for me. It's going to take you awhile to get over this, but you will.

Hugs and kisses

[MissChef]

go on girl and cry. there's nothing wrong with it. :)

[PlatinumPuppy]

I agree, when I lost my pup I cried for days.My husband did too! She was all I thought about day and night. Her picture is on my phone screen, everytime I see her I think about how special she was to me! I still cry because she is gone! I miss her too!:cry:

[randaroo]

i'm sorry.. i know how you feel i felt that way when we lost sugar # 1....
it was so sad.

its okay to cry...thats how i get my feelings out

[bindi boo]

crying is the best therapy. i cry over kenzo everyday, i have the odd day when i dont but he was such a big part in my life i find it hard not to. no doubt samson was a big part of you. so you cry your heart out and send im all the tears you love he knows you love him and he is waiting for you at the bridge. hugssssssssssssssssssssss

[Dayana]

Thanks everyone:Hugs: The closer it gets to my birthday the more I can see him out of the corner of my eye. I know its just my imagination.